This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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