Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
