I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
