we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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