just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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