I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
