After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
