oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
