He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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