as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
