If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
