Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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