drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
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Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize