$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
