pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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