I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
