I am midnight drunk by noon
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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