then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
