I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
