i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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