I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
