I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize