how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
