as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
