You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
