So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
