On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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