have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
