She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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