Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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