new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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