Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
there's paper in my vomit.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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