remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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