I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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