So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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