It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
