come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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