he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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