I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
