take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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