this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
