if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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