so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
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I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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