Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
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