The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
