I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
