you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
