This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
