My hand turned me down
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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