yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I don't think brook has ever known best
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
