you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
