we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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