I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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