mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
