He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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