What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I smell like Dick and happiness
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
