dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
