evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize