I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
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All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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