Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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