if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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