Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
