Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
my shit smells like andre
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
